Layers of Me
A really attractive man asked me about directions to East 7th street from where we were (which happened to be in the subway). I was completely blocked to engaging with anyone at the moment because I was hungry! He had blonde hair and blue eyes, not my type but, not the point — I knew that he knew where he was going, he was just trying to talk to me... I couldn’t even smile. It hit me that I am not a sappy ass bitch, anymore. I’m being straight. I’m probably heart broken and a little closed off right now. This is the first time I’ve actually maintained my blog for this long. The first time I’ve been this committed to my own thing. I’m not interested in doing anything that makes me uncomfortable in being who I am in my happiness. Meeting with model scouts who reach out to me is a waste of time, too. I remember being told: “Casting after casting and you’re not getting the job is on you. What can you change, what can you do to make it better.” Nothing. I’m not thinking about it. I don’t know what it is about “me” that’s not working for you. The small mindedness is something I use to be. The self doubting, quiet, sufferer is who I once was. I see it everywhere I go, still. I fight it because I am the best. I am the best me. And everybody moves at their own pace. I’m not a competitive person. I didn’t get that job but, there is always another job. I’m breathing. I have experience under my belt. I always say I’m young, healthy & able. I’ve done a lot of work in my life and here in New York. I am still doing all that I am. I look forward to the progress of me as I am improving and growing thankful for the people who keep up with unconditional love and support. I realize how far I actually have come... I am open to new things, in the same way, I am “been there, done that” and on to the next one.